Dear Success Seeker,

It all started last October when my computer server started crashing. It was freezing up repeatedly and needed rebooting up to five times a day. I repeatedly lost documents and had to start again. It was driving me crazy and I made sure that everyone around me knew it!

Our technical guru said my old Windows XP operating system was way out of date. I sucked it up and purchased a new Windows 7 machine together with new versions of Word and Outlook. That is when my real frustrations began!

After years of being a whiz on the old programs, I found myself a complete neophyte again. Nothing seemed intuitive and in addition to being more complicated, the new programs couldn't even do things the old ones could. I complained vehemently about how incompetent, illogical and counterintuitive the new Microsoft products were!

I became extremely frustrated and complained non-stop - to our staff, my wife and especially our poor techie who was working diligently and faithfully to resolve the issues.

My unhappy, grumpy mood continued for months before I had a eureka moment. In passing I heard someone mention a book called "A Complaint Free World." As soon as I heard the title, something inside my head exploded. I realized that I had developed a nasty habit of complaining. My dissatisfaction with my computer was ruining my life yet having no detrimental effect on the staff or profits at Microsoft. It was my personal issue! On the spot I resolved not to complain anymore, to anyone about anything. I also apologized to those on whom I had been taking out my frustration.

I bought the book, written by Will Bowen however even before it arrived, I had turned things around. I discovered it was simply a matter of paying attention to my conversation.

I started noticing how much people complain. I also realized that the people who complain the most are generally those who are unsuccessful or not going anywhere. It occurred to me that complaining is a way of feeling self-righteous while staying where you are.

The world is full of complainers. Just walk through a bar and you will see tables full of people telling stories about how hard done by they are, how stupid others people are, the government is, management is, etc. Complainers are victims. They feel powerless and seek to find other people who will listen to and agree with them in order to prove they are right. In fact the word complaining implies that the person is not seeking or interested in a solution.

But would you rather be right or be happy? Complainers do not lead happy, successful lives. One reason is that they are addicted to complaining. If things were to go their way, they wouldn't have anything to complain about, would they? Another obstacle involves quantum physics. You know that everything is energy and we attract things which are vibrating at the same frequency as us. This is bad news for complainers who put out negative energy! Also, we get what we expect in life. Again, bad news for complainers.

The truth is that complaining is simply a matter of perspective. Complainers see the glass as half-empty instead of half-full. Remember the saying, "I complained because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet."

In order to stop complaining Will Bowen suggests you put an elastic band on your wrist and switch it to the opposite wrist every time you catch yourself complaining. His challenge is to go 21 days without switching the band. He says it takes most people at least four to eight months to achieve that goal.

He points out that whether something you say is a complaint is not determined by the words you use. Regardless of how nicely you say it, if you are expressing dissatisfaction about something without the intention of resolving the situation, you are complaining.

Ending the habit of complaining begins the moment you make the decision. Then tell everyone around you about your commitment. Ask them to remind you if they hear you complaining. You can even offer a one dollar reward for each time they catch you. Try the elastic band thing; it creates great awareness. Purchase the book to learn about the "Complaint Free World" movement. Lastly, notice things for which you are grateful.

Complaining and being successful cannot coexist together. So stop complaining about things you can't change and start changing those things you can influence or control!

Your Coach,

Andrew Barber-Starkey, Master Certified Coach
Founder and President, ProCoach Success System