| Destination Success Newsletter - November 2004
The other night I had dinner with my friend Trevor Warren who is a counsellor specializing in relationship issues. During the course of the evening I asked him why he thinks that so many relationships fail. I found his answer extremely insightful. "Most of the individuals I work with have tremendous wisdom," he said. "At a deep level they know exactly what they should do. The reason their relationships fail is that they do not act in accordance with their own wisdom. Instead they do things - big and small - that undermine their relationships. They are dishonest or withhold details that create distance with their partner. They are unkind or make critical comments even when they realize it will damage their relationship. At the same time they fail to do the things they know will build trust and intimacy with their partner."
I asked him why he thought that was so. "Two factors come to mind," he replied. "One is that they lack self-discipline. They give in to what is easy and habitual rather than making the effort to do the things they know would improve their relationship. The other thing is that I believe people are intentionally self-destructive because they are afraid to get too close to their partner. Getting close to another person creates all sorts of discomfort, vulnerability and risk."
Interesting. These are exactly the same things I notice in our ProCoach members when it comes to their pursuit of success. They know what they should do. But they don't do it. As Trevor says, some of it is related to a lack of self-discipline. These members simply do not have the willpower to follow through with the things that are uncomfortable or difficult. As a result of their lack of self-control they continually go for the short-term payoff instead of investing in getting the results they want long term.
Trevor's second factor is also worthy of consideration. Could it be that our members are self-destructive? Is part of them committed to keeping things the way they are now, no matter how bad the present seems? In my view, the answer is absolutely yes. Not because they intentionally want to destroy themselves, but because they fear change. They all profess to want exciting new things in their lives - income and business success, weight loss, debt reduction and so on. But if they actually did what it took to create these results, their lives would change. As the saying goes, "Better the devil we know than the one we don't know."
To what degree does this apply to you? Bring to mind the places where you do not listen to your own wisdom. Can you see where either of the above factors is at play?
If so, I have good news for you. It is not that you can't follow through with these things. It is just that you haven't done it yet. In other words, you have the ability. You simply haven't mustered up the willpower and courage to face the consequences of doing these things. You don't need to change who you are, you just need to make different decisions. And all that involves is changing your mind.
You have a history of doing things a certain way, and you define your expectations of yourself by reviewing your track record. If you want to change your results you need to develop a new track record. This will change your picture of yourself and create new expectations and new results. Of course, the first time you do something different requires the most courage and resolve. But after you have done it a few times, it becomes easier. And if you repeat it often enough, it becomes habitual and gives you a new track record to reference. Voila. You have changed your self-concept.
This may help you understand why I am so adamant that you complete the tasks you set in your Weekly Success Planner. Taking action, even small steps, gives you a track record of action. And completing things, even small things, gives you a track record of completion. These are the crucial habits of success. Knowing that you are a person who does these things and having a track record to prove it will do more to increase your confidence and momentum than all the self-help books in the world.
Andrew Barber-Starkey
Newsletter Contents
Calendar of Events
Quarterly Seminars - January 2005
What a great way to kick off the New Year! We will allow you to digest your Christmas Turkey, recover from your New Years Eve Party and then Andrew will kick 2005 into gear with the Quarterly Seminars, beginning in Vancouver on January 6!
Dates and venues are as follows:
| Vancouver: |
Thursday, January 6 at the Executive Hotel, Burnaby |
| Seattle: |
Tuesday, January 11 at the Kirkland Holistic Center, Kirkland |
| Red Deer: |
Thursday January 13 at the Red Deer Lodge, Red Deer |
| Teleclass: |
Thursday, January 20 at 7:00 pm Pacific Time |
You will need to register to attend these events. An on-line registration link will be emailed to you mid-December.
A reminder that ProCoach will not be providing a meal at these seminars as we have in the past. However, you will still have the opportunity to participate in a Networking Lunch with other members at your own expense.
Success Tips
Maximizing your Success Partnership
My Success Partner and I both have hectic schedules right now, and as a result we have missed our partnership call two weeks in a row. What an amazing difference it makes. I feel less organized, less clear about my priorities and generally more scattered. An excellent time to give you some tips for maximizing your Success Partnership!
There is a long list of benefits to having a Success Partner. The primary one is results. In my experience, members who have regular calls with their Success Partner tend to get two or even three times as many results as those who do not have a partner. Why?
The main reason is that when you have a call booked with your partner it creates tension for you to complete both your Weekly Planner and the actions you committed to. Don't underestimate the value of this - peer pressure is a powerful motivator! Talking to your partner also forces you to review your week in more detail than you might otherwise. This reinforces your successes and provides insights into the areas where you fell short. Another benefit is that you get to actually connect with another human being at a deeper level. Most of us have plenty of interaction with others, but remain hungry for the deeper level of connection that takes place during a support call of this nature.
Success Partner Tips
Here are some tips you can use to get the most out of your Success Partnership. Keep in mind every partnership is unique, so use the tips that apply to you and ignore those that do not.
- Keep your Success Partner calls short - perhaps 10 - 15 minutes. I have found that the shorter the call, the more we stay focused and on task. Our longer calls tend to ramble, and at the end I feel less satisfied. Also, due to the extra time required, longer calls intrude more on my schedule and cause me to resist scheduling our next call.
- Follow the Success Partner Guidelines provided in section 7 of your Program Manual. This template will ensure you cover the important points.
- Take your call seriously. Treat it as a business task rather than a time to socialize. If you want to socialize with your partner, consider setting up a separate call for that purpose.
- Always book your call for the next week before you hang up. Failure to do this dramatically reduces the likelihood of your call taking place the next week.
- If you do not have the ideal partner now, be patient. Success Partnerships automatically terminate at the end of each quarter unless you decide to renew them. It may take a few quarters to get you matched up with someone who is a good fit for you, but once you find the right partner you will never want to let them go!
Mastering the Success Factor
We are getting a lot of positive feedback about the current Success Factor, Optimize Your Resources. What is interesting about this lesson is that it is extremely simple. All it requires is for you to take a few moments to prioritize your actions. However, this can be exceptionally challenging to implement. One reason is that it demands that you constantly stop and assess what you are doing. When we are in motion most of us would rather continue in the direction we are going - even if we are doing something totally ineffective! The other challenge is that it requires tremendous discipline to act in accordance with your priorities, as mentioned in the editorial above.
Our members are reporting that three of the tools for "self-management around time" are especially helpful. The first is the practice of identifying your top 3 priorities each day before you launch into action. This is such a powerful concept. If you have not developed the habit of doing this yet, I strongly recommend you do so. Your productivity and satisfaction will skyrocket. And yes, it works even on a Freedom Day.
The other two tools work together. One is setting aside blocks of time for certain activities. You can set blocks for Production tasks, for Flex tasks or for Freedom tasks. It seems to work best to set aside blocks not more than 2 hours long, and to set a maximum of 2 or 3 blocks in a day. If you set aside too many blocks you are bound to fall off track with some of them. This will hurt your track record (as mentioned in the editorial) and diminish the effectiveness of using the block concept. Another tip is that it works better to identify what you will do during the block at the time you schedule it rather than deciding what task to work on when the time arrives.
When you are first developing the habit of time blocking it is essential to use the third tool, the Time Optimization Contract. You will find this in your Success Factor workbook. It helps you set boundaries that will keep you focused during your time blocks. After you have been using time blocks successfully for a while you may no longer need this contract.
Since there is limited time left in this quarter to master the skill of optimizing your resources, we recommend that you review the content and exercises in your Success Factor workbook now.
Housekeeping Items
ProCoach Members Event Listing Service
Are you organizing or involved in any events that you would like other ProCoach members to attend? We are excited to announce that the Member Events listing service is now available under the "Resources" dropdown on the ProCoach website. You can use this to promote your seminars, teleclasses, presentations, shows - even parties. The purpose of this service is to increase the level of networking and community among ProCoach members. We already have some member events posted. Check it out and let us know what you think!
Laser Coaching
Wow! That was the most outstanding response to an email we have ever had! Over 40 members booked Laser Coaching sessions within 48 hours of Andrew's message going out. As a result, the November dates filled up before our eyes. Congratulations to those who launched into action. In response to the demand, Andrew added two extra dates to the November calendar. You may not realize it, but Laser Coaching is "food" for him and those of us in the office have enjoyed his increase in energy every day this week!
There are still a few sessions available in December so if you have not yet booked your session do so soon. Friday, December 17 is the last day of Laser Coaching until January.
TWO New Seminar Recordings on the ProCoach Website
The recording of the October Quarterly Seminar has been posted on our website for your listening pleasure. If you did not attend the live Quarterly Seminar in October or would like content refresher, we strongly recommend you listen to it.
Also, in early November Andrew led a live seminar called Success Essentials. During the day he delved deeply into the underlying principles of the ProCoach Success System and explained how to use each of the key components of the program.
The seminar was taped and we strongly encourage all members to listen to the recording which is posted on the website. If you are new to Andrew's work, this material will help you build a strong foundation for using the system to get the results you are seeking. And if you have been working with Andrew for a while, these recordings will deepen your understanding of the program and provide you with some excellent tips on how to get the most out of your ProCoach membership.
This recording has been edited so the principles and various instructions are all on separate tracks. This will make it easy for you to zero in on any specific pieces you want to listen to.
New Teleclass Recording on the ProCoach Website
This month's Success Booster Teleclass is now posted on our website. This was an exceptionally strong call and we strongly recommend you listen to it. We heard some great inspirational success stories from our members plus Andrew shared some very valuable tips and insights for maximizing the current Success Factor "Optimizing Your Resources".
Note: All ProCoach teleclasses are recorded and posted onto the website within a few days of the class taking place. You can listen to them online or download them from the website and burn your own CDs.
You can also dial into a voice mail service by phone where they are available for up to 30 days after the call.
ProCoach Office Hours during Holiday Season
The ProCoach Office will be closed from 5:00 pm Thursday, December 23 until 9:00 am Monday January 3rd to celebrate the Festive Season. Please keep these dates in mind if you need to contact our office.
Member Success Stories
Spotlight on Adriane Weller
ProCoach: I remember you joining ProCoach at the very first seminar in Vancouver. What inspired you to join?
Adriane: At the time, I was really looking for some help. It felt like nothing in my life was working. I couldn't seem to get clear about what I really wanted. I certainly wasn't focused, and I wasn't feeling passionate about anything. I was feeling very frustrated. I was expending great effort, yet I just couldn't seem to turn things around to move in the directions I desired.
When I attended that first Quarterly Seminar, I felt certain that the Universe had guided me to exactly the place I needed to be! Andrew helped me to understand that it was both normal and acceptable to not know exactly where I was going. And he provided a simple, systematic approach that I could use to begin moving forward in spite of my confusion. This combination gave me a sense of relief that I hadn't experienced in years!
ProCoach: Is that why you joined the program?
Adriane: I joined because I really got that Andrew has a sincere interest in knowing and supporting all of the ProCoach members to succeed. Plus the opportunity to receive private coaching directly from a Master Coach felt like a huge bonus! I left that first seminar feeling excited and truly empowered.
ProCoach: What results have you seen since joining?
Adriane: It has been amazing. To start with, I have already more than doubled my income. After years of searching for work that I really enjoyed, I was offered and accepted three different opportunities that I absolutely love. Finally finding meaningful work that nourishes and supports me has been huge. Another of my significant breakthroughs has been in the area of Health and Fitness. I am now stronger, healthier and more vital than I have been in years. And although I am busy I have created more balance in my life than ever before. Overall, I have experienced increased momentum in all areas of my life. I am more focused and clear, have more self-confidence, and live with much more joy each and every day.
ProCoach: (Kidding) Is that all you've managed to achieve in 8 months?
Adriane: Actually there is more. I believe the most significant factor is the psychological changes I have experienced. I used the "Confront Your Fears" Success Factor to step through and release many of the fears and insecurities I have long held. I have broken free of many old patterns and beliefs. As a result, I am experiencing tremendous new momentum and possibility. In the past I used to have a very loud voice inside that would regularly criticize me for not doing enough. Now a quick glance through my Weekly Success Planner at all the successes and progress I have made completely disempowers that voice. And I have been able to step out of a deep place of perceived lack and limitation and begin approaching everything I do and want with the "How can I? " attitude. The results I am getting from taking this approach are almost miraculous. I now live in a world that is filled with possibilities rather than frustrations, and the creative results that are appearing continue to energize and astound me.
ProCoach: Congratulations on your results! What would you like to say about the program itself?
Adriane: I like the ProCoach Success System because it is very simple yet extremely powerful. The Financial Tracking Workbook, Long-term Vision Workbook and 3-Year Intentions Workbook have helped me to create a bigger vision for my life and the Quarterly Intentions Folder and the Weekly Planner keep me focused, moving forward on my vision day by day. Having a Success Partner really helps me stay on track, too. I enjoy the Quarterly Seminars. They always energize me and I really like the network and community that is being created amongst the members. The ProCoach program continues to be a source of tremendous learning and growth for me AND I'm having fun doing it!
ProCoach: Anything else about being a ProCoach member?
Adriane: I would just like to express my gratitude to ProCoach. The more I get to know Andrew, the more I realize that he truly has the best interests of his members at heart. The program he has created is a tangible expression of that. And I want to thank Suzanne and Valerie. They are genuinely caring and dedicated people, committed to delivering top quality in all that they do. Thanks to all of you for holding your vision so strongly and for being so committed to my success.
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